When Your Partner Doesn't Want to Be in the Maternity Photos

Suli's husband walked in looking like he was only there out of duty. I saw it the second I opened the door. That look that says, “I'm here because I have to be, but I don't like any of this.” I told him: “Just stay close to her.” I didn't ask him to pose, or to smile. I asked him to put his hand on her belly and look at her.

What happened next is the part I'll get to further down.

If you're reading this, you're probably in a similar spot. Your partner doesn't want to be in the pregnancy photos. Or says it feels awkward, or embarrassing, or pointless. And you don't know whether to insist, drop it, or just go on your own.

Here's my answer right away: no, your partner doesn't have to be in them. Pregnancy photos as a couple are beautiful, and photos of just you are too. What matters is that these photos exist. That said, what usually happens when the partner does come — even reluctantly — will surprise you.

I've been photographing pregnant women in Barcelona for more than seven years. This situation isn't the exception. It's the norm.

Why this happens to almost everyone

Before I talk about what I do, I want to talk about him. Or her, because this happens the same way in same-sex couples: there is always one person who is more comfortable in front of a camera.

Most of the time, the resistance isn't a lack of willingness to be there for you. It's fear. Fear of looking silly, of not knowing what to do with his hands, of being told “kiss her now” or “give me the loving face.” Fear that the photos will look like an Instagram cliché that has nothing to do with him.

“It's not that they don't want to. It's that they're afraid of looking odd. The fear isn't of the camera. It's of looking silly.”
— Tami (Wonderstory)

The cringe factor is real. The maternity poses you see on social media can look very staged from the outside. Your partner is already picturing himself doing that in front of a camera and in front of a stranger, and the idea scares him.

There is also this: the emotional connection with the pregnancy is different. According to specialists in matrescence and the changes a couple goes through during pregnancy, the brain of the father or non-gestating partner changes too, but in a different way and on a different timeline. The belly isn't quite “his” yet. Pregnancy photos can feel like a ritual he understands but doesn't own in the same way.

In seven years photographing pregnant women in Barcelona, this comes up constantly. Is it a problem? Never.

What I do when a couple like this arrives

The first thing I do is validate it. I don't try to convince anyone or sell the experience. I say something simple:

“I completely understand that you don't like having your photo taken. It happens to a lot of people.”
— Tami (Wonderstory)

And then I add something that changes the frame:

“For your son or daughter, a few years from now, seeing both of you in these photos will matter a lot. That changes something. Because it stops being about posing. It's about being there.”
— Tami (Wonderstory)

That line isn't an argument to persuade anyone. It's a real reframe. When someone hears it, the shoot stops being “something for Instagram” and becomes something that makes sense on its own.

The light trick

I never start with her alone. We always start together, from the first minute. That spreads the attention and takes the pressure off whoever feels more exposed.

And I have one trick I use every time:

“I tell them I'm not taking photos yet, that I'm only testing the light. Meanwhile I move around, adjust the camera, watch. They start getting used to the space, to me being there, to the quiet. The tension drops a lot.”
— Tami (Wonderstory)

Our studio in the center of Barcelona has natural light, a quiet balcony, music in the background. It isn't a cold set with flash and a white backdrop. It's a space where people relax because the room lets them.

Directions that sound like conversation

The directions I give don't sound like poses. I say: “Come a bit closer.” “Put your hands on her belly.” “Move the hair off her face, gently.” For him it's an everyday gesture he'd do at home. For me it's the photo I'm looking for.

If you want concrete examples of how this works, there's more in this guide with pose ideas for pregnancy photos as a couple.

The part together lasts 15 to 20 minutes. After that, if she wants to keep going on her own, we keep going. It isn't an hour of torture for anyone.

What usually happens (spoiler: it will surprise you)

Kirsten wrote to me before her shoot: “My husband hates having his photo taken. He's going to feel really uncomfortable.” The usual. We started slowly, with no pressure, without asking him for anything that would feel forced.

“At one point he started holding her with so much tenderness. Kissing her cheek. Stroking her face. Looking at her with a gentleness I didn't know he had in front of a camera. She was surprised herself. Afterwards she told me: ‘I can't believe how natural he was.’”
— Tami (Wonderstory)

This isn't an exception. It's what happens in most shoots.

“In 90% of cases, the person who said they don't like photos ends up taking part more than they expected. Not because I push them. Because they feel safe.”
— Tami (Wonderstory)

The sentence I hear most often afterwards is: “I didn't expect him to get so involved.”

As Ariana Montecino Álvarez puts it in her Google review:

“It was our first photo shoot and we came in with a lot of doubts about how it would go (we're shy) and a few nerves too… she made us feel really comfortable, relaxed and, above all, enjoying every moment.”

There's something else I find funny and true at the same time:

“If a dad tells you he doesn't like having his photo taken or posing, he's lying to you. Most dads get over the shyness fast.”
— Tami (Wonderstory)

What can actually break the flow

There is one thing that complicates a shoot more than anything else: when one person starts directing the other. “Put your hand like this.” “No, not like that.” “Smile more.”

“The person who already feels insecure freezes up even more. And I freeze too, because I feel like I'm the one being directed.”
— Tami (Wonderstory)

I once had a client who arrived with a very specific picture in her head, references saved on her phone, and during the shoot she corrected her partner every time something didn't match that picture. The tension was there — not in the air, but in both their bodies. The photos showed it.

My advice: trust me. Let go of the control. Let it flow.

What if you'd rather come alone? That works too

A shoot with just you is every bit as beautiful. In fact, many clients choose it that way from the start, not as a second option but as their first. It's a record of you and your baby. It doesn't need anyone else to be valid or to matter.

I have something personal to share about this. When I was pregnant, I didn't book a shoot with a professional photographer. I thought I'd get around to it, that it wasn't the right moment, that there would be time later. I don't have a single photo with my husband from that time. And my daughter often asks me to show her photos of the bump with her inside.

I don't have those photos to show her.

What matters isn't whether you're on your own or with someone. What matters is that those photos exist. La Vanguardia, one of Barcelona's main newspapers, reports in its family section that one of the most common patterns is that fathers and non-gestating partners disappear from the albums during pregnancy, and that gap becomes more noticeable as the years pass.

With or without your partner, having photos of your pregnancy is something you'll be glad about.

In short

No, your partner doesn't have to be in the photos. Nobody is going to force him. But if he comes, there's a good chance he'll enjoy it more than he expects. And so will you.

What matters isn't the perfect pose. It's being there. It's having a record that this time existed, and that both of you were in it.

If you want to know how we prepare these shoots and what you can both expect, all the details are on the page about how we prepare pregnancy shoots for couples. And if you'd rather start by understanding the whole process, you can see everything a maternity photo shoot in Barcelona includes.

If you want to tell us about your situation before booking, write to us. Tami has spent years working with every kind of couple — the ones who arrive excited, the ones who arrive out of duty, and the ones who arrive saying they hate photos. She knows exactly how to get you both enjoying it.

Tami · Photographer and founder of Wonderstory
I've spent more than six years photographing real moments in Barcelona. Every article I write comes from what I live in the studio with my clients.